YOUR WHOLE WORLD IN YOUR OWN HANDS

If I knew then what I know now, I’m pretty sure that there would have been an easier journey to the place that is now my reality.

Having said that, it is never too late to begin to adjust our perspective and mindset as a positive shift at any age is a shift in a brighter direction.

Life is precious and for those of you who are unsure why a raised awareness is a positive move, let me encourage you to view yourself as a tiny creation within your own hands. Strange, you may say. I see that. However, it is okay to nurture yourself and build yourself up one step at a time to be the person you want to be deep down. It’s nobody else’s business but yours. Your true “self” is for you to create from where you are now to where you want to be. The journey is infinite and with a purpose, vision and goal, you are in charge of your own destiny.

As the wonderful James Allen concluded in the chapter named “Serenity”.

“Tempest-tossed souls, wherever ye may be, under whatsoever conditions ye may live, know this: In the ocean of life the isles of Blessedness are smiling, and the sunny shore of your ideal awaits your coming. Keep your hand firmly upon the helm of thought. In the bark of your soul reclines the commanding Master; He does but sleep: wake Him. Self-control is strength; Right Thought is mastery; Calmness is power. Say unto your heart, “Peace, be still!”

On reading this through a few times, it is possible to understand that we are in charge of our own path and by keeping our sights firmly on the goal, whether it be who or what you want to be, you will create your own future because your future is already within you awaiting your awareness to be raised and to create the best version of you possible.

Never look back in disappointment. This will not serve you as it will only manifest negative thoughts to dwell upon. Your journey to where you are now has blessed you with wisdom, knowledge and experience that will benefit and support others. It has given you familiar emotions that are to be encouraged or eliminated relevant to their content. It is your choice to decipher these and to move forward with the most productive path.

Energy is all around us – we have the ability to become acquainted with it and intuitively discover the rewards that it can offer. Ask yourself “does this feeling serve me well?”

Create your new world.

http://absolutelifesystem.com/

TRUSTING THE UNKNOWN

Many thoughts had preceded this surgery – Would I wake up? Would I be able to walk again? How would the children and my family deal with the changes? Would it hurt? How long would I be off work for? Could we afford to do this? Was there a right time?

So many questions – no answer could possibly be the right one because we literally had no idea whatsoever as we entered into the unknown.

It was a relief to fall into an induced sleep to be honest – the conscious mind finally stopped turning.

As time ticked by and Tony sat waiting for however long was required to straighten the curvature in my spine and reconstruct my right ribcage, Mr Shaw and his team worked intensely.

In a bizarre way, I had drawn the long straw as I was asleep and the time passed in an instant for me. However, Tony sat and sat and sat some more – almost eight hours passed before he was informed that I was being transferred to Intensive Care (ICU). Two hours longer than expected – I was blissfully unaware yet Tony was feeling every minute. I wonder what really went through his mind in those hours – I had been warned of the risk of not waking or not walking as the spinal column was worked on.

Waking up was gradual – I understand that it took around three hours to gain any sort of true sense from me and throughout it all there was Tony – he was just there doing what he does best. Making sure I was okay.

I don’t remember much but just relief that I had woken up and I daren’t move incase it hurt! I lay with the morphine pump in my hand and recall Tony saying, “I’m not going until I know you can press the button yourself”. That was hard work – I do know that much.

As I drifted in and out of consciousness everything seemed like a complete blur – I knew I was to have my own room and that was about it – this unknown business was so daunting but I was still coming back to reality that I really didn’t care about anything.

Apparently I was in ICU for overnight and into the following day – it was time to leave and I recall telling every member of staff who came my way just how much I loved my children and how great they are!

By pure chance, at the point of wheeling the bed from the ward, Tony had brought Lou and Fynn to visit – They still joke now about how highly medicated (ok – so maybe not so politely put!) I was and how embarrassing I was as in my drowsy state I had to let everyone know that THESE were my children – sorry kids!

You know what though – the only snippets of memories from waking up to being transferred to the ward room were just Tony and the children. That is all – What does that tell me now?

My little world means the WHOLE world to me.

http://absolutelifesystem.com

LETTING GO FOR ONCE

Thankfully, I had built up a quiet trust in Mr Shaw, my surgeon. He was a decade younger than me which to some may have been unnerving considering I was only forty-two and he literally was to have my life in his hands. However, his primary concern throughout the numerous consultations was to alter not only the physicality of my spine but also the misplaced perception that I had held of myself for thirty years. He really did comprehend the view that I held in my mind actually outweighed the disfigurement and pain that the Scoliosis held over me. He saw me as a whole person.

The day of the surgery loomed – Monday 23 January 2012 – my children were fourteen and ten and my step-son was just eleven – that unsettled me as this period in my life was going to effect them in many ways. Tony, my partner had been given absence of leave from his job for three months to be carer. Something that we still are truly grateful for.

I had never been one to let go and trust that a situation would work out – this time in our lives was not only about to hopefully improve my long-term health but unknowingly at that point would bring us untold lessons that would remain with us all. Everything happens for a reason, as they say.

Saying goodbye to Lou and Fynn was difficult. We had always been together apart from their time they had with their Dad – until that point I had always been available to them no matter what. I felt that I was abandoning them. Of course, that wasn’t the case but this had to happen. I cried many silent tears hoping that they would get through this, doubting that our bond would be enough. I irrationally questioned my capabilities as their Mum. It hurt so much it still brings tears to my eyes.

So, after a restless night and many a last phone call to family and friends wishing me well I was administered the pre-med to calm me. I wanted to scream and run away and get back to my babies. Scared is an understatement but to know life in a wheelchair was my destiny as the curvature increased the pressure on my lung. That was a good deterrent and a reason to stay.

The staff were amazing as I was wheeled in the bed down to theatre – Tony was by my side throughout. He really has never been a worrier but even now I could see and sense that he was. For once, I had to give in to this situation and allow these skilled and gentle souls do what they are trained to do. I felt like a lamb to the slaughter. I didn’t want to know what the operation entailed and it was the right move in hindsight – I just wanted to be okay and get home.

The theatre doors loomed in front of me and I felt myself drifting into a peaceful and relaxed sleep. It was a relief to know that after all these years someone was finally understanding and knew how to make it better and for once, there wasn’t any fight in me. It was time to let go of everything and trust.

TRUSTING THE UNKNOWN

Many thoughts had preceded this surgery – Would I wake up? Would I be able to walk again? How would the children and my family deal with the changes? Would it hurt? How long would I be off work for? Could we afford to do this? Was there a right time?

So many questions – no answer could possibly be the right one because we literally had no idea whatsoever as we entered into the unknown.

It was a relief to fall into an induced sleep to be honest – the conscious mind finally stopped turning.

As time ticked by and Tony sat waiting for however long was required to straighten the curvature in my spine and reconstruct my right ribcage, Mr Shaw and his team worked intensely.

In a bizarre way, I had drawn the long straw as I was asleep and the time passed in an instant for me. However, Tony sat and sat and sat some more – almost eight hours passed before he was informed that I was being transferred to Intensive Care (ICU). Two hours longer than expected – I was blissfully unaware yet Tony was feeling every minute. I wonder what really went through his mind in those hours – I had been warned of the risk of not waking or not walking as the spinal column was worked on.

Waking up was gradual – I understand that it took around three hours to gain any sort of true sense from me and throughout it all there was Tony – he was just there doing what he does best. Making sure I was okay.

I don’t remember much but just relief that I had woken up and I daren’t move incase it hurt! I lay with the morphine pump in my hand and recall Tony saying, “I’m not going until I know you can press the button yourself”. That was hard work – I do know that much.

As I drifted in and out of consciousness everything seemed like a complete blur – I knew I was to have my own room and that was about it – this unknown business was so daunting but I was still coming back to reality that I really didn’t care about anything.

Apparently I was in ICU for overnight and into the following day – it was time to leave and I recall telling every member of staff who came my way just how much I loved my children and how great they are!

By pure chance, at the point of wheeling the bed from the ward, Tony had brought Lou and Fynn to visit – They still joke now about how highly medicated (ok – so maybe not so politely put!) I was and how embarrassing I was as in my drowsy state I had to let everyone know that THESE were my children – sorry kids!

You know what though – the only snippets of memories from waking up to being transferred to the ward room were just Tony and the children. That is all – What does that tell me now?

My little world means the WHOLE world to me.

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART

Listen to your heart.

With every beat of your heart, life is being pumped through you.

If we truly think about that for a moment, how incredible is it that that pure beat and rhythm is the on/off switch to us being here or not.

So, with that in mind I would like to share with you how I came to be the person that I am now. I have had many experiences over the years that, in hindsight, I wish I had had the knowledge, confidence and ability to deal with them differently however it is what it is.

It wasn’t a case of reinventing myself just like that. It was a decision from a huge life change that caused an opportunity to re-evaluate my wants in life.

What was my purpose? Traditionally, we are all programmed to study, gain our grades, perhaps go to college and then off we go to work. I wanted to break my own mould. I had done so prior to this realisation by becoming self-employed and owning a Driving School coaching pupils to become qualified drivers. I gained total satisfaction from this role but the most beneficial aspect was that it was clear, during the eleven years, how it became instinctive to sense what the pupil was feeling.

My original tutor, Fred, often commented about being “at one” with the car and the pupil. Over time, through experience I understood what that meant. The new me chooses to see this as intuitively sensing the energy shifts within the confined space of the vehicle. It’s fascinating and created an ability to avoid several dangerous situations and sense the pupil’s reactions before they even realised the energy that was being released.

It was suggested on a number of occasions by various people that I should become a Coach of a certain description, yet to be found, that would resonate with me – I had no understanding whatsoever of that concept. It scared me. How could I possibly guide others on their life choices when mine could have been more carefully plotted? It was hard to think that the testing and unsettled waters that was my past could actually benefit others – little did I know it was the moving forward that would serve others.

The crunch came after life-changing surgery. Having lived with Idiopathic Scoliosis since the age of twelve and many years of despising my physical being. Unnecessary throw away comments had struck me to the core regarding the abnormal shape of my back and ribcage and the pain had become unbearable. After much research and fear filled appointments, I chose to opt for Spinal Fusion and Costoplasty despite being told several years before that I was too old – I was only forty-two. Time had been wasted and I wasn’t prepared to lose any more. If this procedure did not take place, I would be guaranteed a future in a wheelchair as the curvature continued to worsen and effect normal breathing as it added pressure to a lung at a steady rate.

My main concern was how my family would cope. My partner was so supportive despite the risks as metal rods were to be screwed and tweaked to straighten the spine plus ribcage reconstruction to bring a balance to a twisted torso. This procedure is on a par with open-heart surgery.

Signing the permission form was the most unnerving action I have ever taken. To know I may not walk again or even wake up was unnerving. I had to follow my heart on this one. My life was now in the hands of the Surgeon…
http://absolutelifesystem.com